overspending

:( it's really bad. I have been splurging on my credit card these few days.
I am truly broke. I spent 4K on facials. they will last me more than a year but it's still a lot of money!!

GOd. i really need to iron out my budget before i go crazy. ester

Day 3

Well today, i made a silly mistake.
Sigh I am so shy. i can see oppty for me to go out with the people in the department but then I daren't take it up cause i feel shy.

It's seriously holding me back. Who would have thought that I would be feeling so insecure.
Well learnt somethings here and there. It's a little hard to understand some bits of it but i am sure if i were to sit down and do these things they will come naturally.

It's so hard to wake up in the morning to come to work. I literally have to force myself up. It's also hard to sleep at night. I spent the whole night tossing and turning till 5am. Woke up at 7.15
Left for work at 7.40. Thank goodness I made it on time.

Maybe I suck at work .who knows it's too early to say. but i know one thing i must stop assuming things and really listen and learn!

First day [New Role]

Spent a sleepless night wondering how today will be.
Woke up at 6.45 am way ahead of my alarm clock. Got ready for work by 7.30am. Feeling really fat today. Can't believe i feel so bloated & unattractive.

Well the bus was on time and it's still Unc.Pt so it was somewhat reassuring.

It feels weird to come in to work and not have anyone to greet or seem close with. It's really like a first day. It's now 9.30am and we are at breakfast at least they are. I am too nervous and shy. Part of me insists that I should join them instead of staying here and feeling akward.

2007 - here I come.

In september 2006 i was so positive that going to India was what I wanted. Look at me now. less than half a year away. Re-thinking about it all. I was promoted to assistant manager for the training department. It's quite a leap for me.

I think it's a blessing and hopefully I don't get stuck in that role too long. I want to be able to learn as much as I can from this role. Be ethical in all I do. To learn about politics and to make a good impression to all as well as earn the respect of others.

Pls. let me not shoot my mouth off and offend people unnecessarily. I honestly don't think work is about being the nicest person or even a popularity contest. just maintaina polite and proper behaviour at all time.

Want to give my best this year and work smart instead of falling prey to what I did the last time.
So excited. Should be in bed now, and wake up in a bit but am feeling to nervous to sleep. Start my new role later today. Gosh!!!

shrug it off like water of a ducks back

My last day at FD. The team I have served for 1 yr and 10 months.
What was i expecting from my team mates? a farewell a sort of acknowledgement that they would miss me when I am gone. I don't know but for my farewell half didn't attend and a number of them had to be forced to. I was so disheartened.

Neither did i recieve a farewell from my department.

I don't think blogging here would make me look good but then again, i want to pen down the sadness and dissapointment i felt that day.

[december 29'2006]

empty

She lies awake. thinking.
They are close and yet they are apart. lonely. ever felt lonely even when you are with someone? I hurt somewhere inside, a horrible feeling. Not a physical pain that you can easily prescribe a number of drugs.

words just words

Watching HEX now. watched in UK when i was there last year around this time and now it's on ASTRO. Can you beat that? Anyways, i really hope i get to go to India for three months. I can't wait to be able to go there and wash off dd to the rest of the group then i will be able to move on.

However, whether i am going or not is not a given. So am trying to manage expectations against the chances of being let down.

If indeed I am not choosen to go then again, is that a bad thing would i die? Well it would just change my plans for a bit won't it? Even if i did go, i would still need to change my plans when i get back going is just another procrastination excuse *one way to see it*

Anyways, z has suggested renting a house and moving in together. I am all excited by it. wow. it's a big step isn't it? trying not to make a big deal out of it either.

jumbled

Hmm everything is topsy turvy here.
Lord, haven't spoken to you in a while.

*n*